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Dear Mr. Letterman,
There was this guy, once, who thought it was, in some fashion, his mission to save the world.
Many who knew him, thought he was a little off in the head, but he was well motivated, and kind
to children, and old folks and puppies, so his friends, at least, loved him anyway. Everything he
said made sense. It was just that the scope of his ambition was so staggering, given his
circumstances in life, that it just seemed ridiculous. Then, one day, the strangest thing happened:
He managed to talk this certain late night entertainment show host into having him on as a guest.
The first thing you know, he's pulling out a photograph of this little document, carrying the official
seal of the Israeli government, which he had somehow managed to finagle from Israel's
Prime Minister — a certain General Ariel Sharon — which document General Sharon had signed,
and upon which document the good general (or bad general, depending on your take on things!)
had referred to our buddy, in Hebrew, as "George Messiah"! Everyone's first reaction was,
"Yeah. Well — so? So what? It's just a little piece of paper. Maybe Sharon was kidding!"
Who could know what a reaction was going to ensue amongst all those Hasidic Jews in New York,
or what a shock wave it was going to cause in Israeli politics?
Moreover, our buddy was going around, telling anyone who would listen, that he was the
reincarnated Elijah, as foretold by the last words of that prophet Malachi; that he was here, as
promised, to resolve a fundamental schism between parents and children, not by some mystical,
religious mumbo-jumbo, but by addressing a very real psychological phenomenon in "modern"
society. And if that wasn't enough, he had every intention of leveraging his way into an Israeli
government ministerial post, which post he would be inaugurating by the way. The name of this
post was to be, "Minister of Peace", and his duty in this post would be, finally, to broker the true
and lasting peace and justice that would satisfy both the Jews and the Arabs, allowing them to heal
the wounds each had inflicted on the other, to forgive, to understand, to learn to live together as
the brothers and sisters they truly are under Abraham, and to turn the Middle East into an
intellectual and ecologically advanced scientific and industrial center on this poor, long suffering
planet. From the city named "Will See Peace" (which is what "Jerusalem" means in Hebrew, and
yes, I am fluent in Hebrew. French and Spanish too, while I'm at it.) will be born the peace on
Earth for which this world has so long prayed.
So, if you can have a "Stupid Pet Tricks" segment on your show, do you think perhaps you
might work in a spot for me? At the very least it should be worth a laugh. And, on the
infinitesimal chance that I can pull off what I have laid out before you, isn't it worth taking any
chance, if it means peace on Earth?
Sincerely,
George Elijah Brooks
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